JONATHAN: Hello Dork Squad. I'm Jonathan Cormur and you're listening to Dorktales Storytime, the podcast for kids and their pop culture loving grownups.
THEME SONG: It's a beautiful day for a story, adventure and glory, new friends and old ones too. It's an excellent day to get swept away in a tale so let us regale you.
REDGE: Stand back, villain, or should I say sand toss! Yeah!
SOUND EFFECT: Sand toss!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Augh, my eyes, why did you do that? You, you bully!
SOUND EFFECT: Escape!
REDGE: Me ?The bully.? Well, that's you good sir.!
JONATHAN: You're probably wondering how I, jonathan, and my shocked spiky friend Mr Redge, here, got into such a predicament. Well, how about we rewind an hour and let you know how we got here?
REDGE: Oh, take that!
JONATHAN: And this!
RODGE: And that as well!
JONATHAN: You see, Redge, Rodge and I wanted to have a fun day by the lake and it started out perfectly...
REDGE: You aren't prepared for my signature sword fighting move the Grateful Swan! Fake left, spin, lunge right!
RODGE: Oh well, i bet you didn't expect the Rodge-Dodge in response! Ha ha!
JONATHAN: I'm a fan of this particular flourish myself. Block left, block right, crouch, then strike!
REDGE: Ah yes, the flapping duck defense. Excellent form!
RODGE: Phenomenal!
JONATHAN: Oh thanks. Ah, an excellent practice.
REDGE: It seems our forms are on point
RODGE: Or, dare I say it...En Garde.
JONATHAN: Ha ha ha. Well played, my friend.
REDGE: Now it's time to have some fun escapades!
RODGE: Here here! That's why I decided to come for another visit from Litropia after all, for a grand adventure.
REDGE: And an adventure you shall have!
JONATHAN: I, jonos, shall raise my sword to adventure!
REDGE: And so shall I, Redgos!
RODGE: And I, rodg-a-mis!
REDGE: For together. we're
REDGE/RODGE/JONATHAN: TheThree Hedgeketeers!
JONATHAN: So for the rest of the day we journeyed around the lake on a great adventure. As the Three HedgeKeteers. We helped all of the lake residents by defending the shores. From helping Bobby the Beetle cross into some foliage-
REDGE: Bobby, look out for that pebble!
RODGE: Oh, hold on, i will kick it into next week!
SOUND EFFECT: Pebble kick!
REDGE: Be rid of that mountainous pebble, Rodge so Bobby can safely cross this patch of grass.
RODGE: Wapow!
JONATHAN: There you go, Bobby.
BOBBY: Wow, thanks, friends. Have a nice day.
REDGE: Enjoy your trip around the lake, Bobby, and never forget the legend of the Three Hedgeketeers.
BOBBY: Ah, okay, Redgey, you betcha.
JONATHAN: Then we helped Sven, the lake's resident swan.
REDGE: What-ho friend? You seem distressed.
SVEN: Well, you see, i was about to fly up to grab that twig off this tree here. It's perfect for the nest I'm building, but the gap is a bit too small to accommodate me and I can't reach it.
RODGE: Seems that this is our next high stakes mission.
REDGE: More like our high stick mission!
JONATHAN: Haha, oh, Redge.
SVEN: Well, it's alright, i can always find another stick.
REDGE: NONSENSE!
SVEN: nonsense?
REDGE: POPPYCOCK!
JONATHAN: Uh, Redge, you okay?
RODGE: Is that even a word?
REDGE: FIBBLE FABBLE
RODGE: Now you're definitely making up words.
REDGE: The Three Hedgeketeers are here to save the day!
RODGE: Uh, right, oh, here, I shall hop up on Jonathan's shoulder, for he is the tallest.
JONATHAN: Huh? Oh, uh, oh, oh, okay, now you're climbing onto my head. Ah, ah!
REDGE: Now I shall hop onto Jonathan and then climb onto his head as well. Then climb onto your shoulders, Rodge.
RODGE: Then we should be tall enough to reach the stick.
JONATHAN: Oh, uh, okay, reg, just watch the spines, if you would.
REDGE: Ah, all right, jonathan, move this way. Uh, too far. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, okay, there we go. Just there we go. There. I've got the stick.
RODGE: We've done it again!
JONATHAN: Oh, great job you two.
SVEN: Hey, i appreciate your help.
REDGE: You never have to fear again, Sven. The Three Hedgeketeers are here!
SVEN: Uh, yeah, thanks.
JONATHAN: Up until this point, we were doing some really nice deeds for our friends and larping about on a nice cozy role play, but I could see that Redge was getting way into his role-
RODGE: Well, i feel like we've really done everything that needs doing around here.
JONATHAN: I agree. So what now?
RODGE: Maybe we can sit and have a nice picnic by the water.
JONATHAN: Oh, that sounds nice.
REDGE: What? There's no rest for the Hedgeketeers! No, instead, we must find and defeat our archnemesis!
JONATHAN: Hmmm
RODGE: Who's our arch-nemesis?
JONATHAN: Yeah, i mean, we're friends with everyone here in the forest. Maybe seeking out an archnemesis might be taking things a bit
RODGE: too far?
JONATHAN: Exactly,
REDGE: But! Every group of Hedgeketeers needs a good villain!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: SSSSpeaking of…
REDGE/RODGE/JONATHAN: Moray-eel-arty!!
RODGE: Moray-eel-arty? Who's that?
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: That's me.
JONATHAN: Ah, didn't Wabbitson and Sherlock Nettlesbee tell you to leave us alone?
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: They're not here, are they? Nobody to protect you?
RODGE: Oh, come on now, Moray-eel-arty, we don't want any trouble.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Looks to me like you do. You're on my stretch of sand.
JONATHAN: But you're an eel. You don't ever leave the water.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: So I like the look of the beach and you're covering it up.
SOUND EFFECT: Mega Splash!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Ha, oops, sorry.
RODGE: no, you're not And you've messed up my uniform.
JONATHAN: Just leave us alone, Moray-eel-arty!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: But I don't want you in this Hedgeketeers business here.
JONATHAN: Well then, you'll never be satisfied. You just want to be in control.
RODGE: That sounds to me like you're just being a bully,
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: I'm sorry. Who are you again?
REDGE: That's my cousin.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Oh, the one from the Litropia.? Think you're better than me, eh?
RODGE:Well, i didn't say that!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Doesn't matter. I don't like you And I'm just gonna splash you until you leave.
SOUND EFFECT: Hypersplash!
REDGE: Hey, stop that! Respect our space and leave us alone!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Hmm, or what?
REDGE: Or I will fight. We don't need this trouble from you, Villain,!
JONATHAN: Alright, everyone, maybe we should-
REDGE: Just stand down now. Er actually- slither away!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: NO!
JONATHAN: Redge. Rodge, let's just talk this out.
RODGE: Yes, i agree.
REDGE: More NONSENSE, POPPYCOCK and FIBBLE-FABBLE! Jonathan, he doesn't even use this beach. There is nothing to discuss.
JONATHAN: Well, maybe this is just a misunderstanding.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Sorry, i can't hear you over my splashing. Ha ha ha ha. I'm soaking all your uniforms and the feathers in your caps. Whoopsies!
SOUND EFFECT: Ultimate splash!
REDGE: Ah, i said, leave my friends alone!
JONATHAN: So, yeah, this is about where you found us before Mr Redge and Moray-el-arty got into a splashing and yelling argument until, well, Redge did his classic sand toss,
SOUND EFFECT: Sand toss!
JONATHAN: At this point, we were so into our roleplay that some of us were definitely getting carried away.
RODGE: Now, Redge, we might need to slow down for just a moment.
REDGE: Us?!
JONATHAN: ah, Moray-eel-arty, wait!
REDGE: You're calling him back here? He was being so mean.
JONATHAN: We should just step back, take a break and give him and all of us a chance to talk it out.
REDGE: Hmmph
JONATHAN: Even though we don't always agree, Redge, we can still try and find common ground.
RODGE: Yes, i'm sure we can all find a way to just get along.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: What is it you?
JONATHAN: Is there a reason you came over here to pick on us, Moray-eel-arty?
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: You were taking over my lake!
REDGE: See, he cannot be reasoned with!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: And maybe I was feeling a bit frustrated. I mean, you were doing all of these heroic things around MY lake-
JONATHAN: And?
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: And sometimes even a villain wants to join in on the game.
REDGE: Really?
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Yes, i suppose I could have asked to join and play your wrongdoer.
REDGE: Oh, i guess I never would have thought. I mean. Well, since your Sherlock Nettlesbee's greatest foe.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Oh, i hate that, Sherlock, it's true, but maybe just this once we can start a truce.
JONATHAN: I think we could come to some sort of arrangement
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: As a show of camaraderie. I'll er-, i'll er-, i'll er-, i'll er I'll er I'll er apologize for bullying you all.
REDGE: Well, i did get a bit carried away in the game as well. I'm sorry that I didn't try and talk to you first to find common ground , or well water.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Ha ha, ha, ha deal! Now I can safely join your adventure as your archnemesis.
REDGE: All right, then!
RODGE: The adventure continues! I just love visiting the Folktale Forest.
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: Now, back away from my lake, Hedgeketeers!
SOUND EFFECT: Super Megasplash!
REDGE: You stand back, Moray-eel-arty, or you must face my joyful rabbit maneuver, swipe down into a twirl, hop forward twice and lunge!
RODGE: Ho, ho! Well, played, cousin.
JONATHAN: And so for the rest of the day, the three hedgeketeers adventured away against their enemy-turned-friend, turned-enemy, Moray-eel-arty.. We all had a wonderful time and just before the sun went down-
REDGE: Once more with feeling friends!
JONATHAN: It is I, Jonos!
REDGE: And I, Redgos!
RODGE: And, I Rodg-a-mis!
MORAY-EEL-ARTY: And I the archnemesissssss -
REDGE: Today we shall proclaim - Eel for One!
REDGE/RODGE/JONATHAN: And One for Eel!
JONATHAN: This has been a Jonincharacter production. Today's story was written by Amy Thompson, edited by Molly Murphy and performed by Jonathan Cormur. Sound recording and production by Jermaine Hamilton at Hamilton Studios. Reach out to us on Instagram or email us at dorktalesstorytime@gmail.com. Find links in the show notes or go to dorktalesstorytime.com. Now go be the hero of your own story and we'll see you next once upon a time.
THEME SONG: So gather your squad for all to see. It's a universe that we've imagined. There's twists and turns and lessons learned. This is where the unexpected happens. Join our humble hosts and hit the trails of the wonderful, wacky, wild world of Dorktales.