JONATHAN CORMUR: Hello Dork Squad. I'm Jonathan Cormur and you're listening to Dorktales Storytime, the podcast for kids and their pop culture-loving grown-ups, and this is one of our anything-is-possible lore stories.
THEME SONG: It's a beautiful day for a story, adventure and glory, new friends and old ones too. It's an excellent day to get swept away in a tail, so let us regale you.
JONATHAN: What a beautiful day in George Washington Carver Park!
REDGE: (Sounding like he’s struggling to pull something out of the ground) Yes…oof! Quite! Argg! Quite beautiful indeed! I love…ow…spending a day….eek…in Litropia’s largest…Park!
JONATHAN: You need some help there, Redge?
REDGE: I’m just trying to dig up this soil…but it seems I misplaced my…what is this odd shovel-looking thing called?
JONATHAN: A trowel! And Redge! That’s MY trowel! That’s way too big for you to use!
REDGE: Hence my struggle!! I managed to successfully hop up and down on the handle to get the trowel into the dirt. But now I’m trying to tilt the handle so it will come back up!
JONATHAN: Here, let me help you. This is Carver’s Community Garden after all. We can dig up this spot together!
REDGE: Oooooo delightful!
JONATHAN: While I do this, why don’t you consult our garden map to figure out what we should plant in these beds.
REDGE: Beds? Are the plants tired?
JONATHAN: (Laughs) No Redge, these areas of soil and fertilizer that we’re making are called beds! It’s where we’re going to plant our seeds.
REDGE: Oh right! Silly me. I guess I’m a little…dis-shoveled! Ha! Get it?!
JONATHAN: Oh Redge.
REDGE: From the map, it looks like the plan is to plant some carrots here to the right. Our friend Wabbitson will be pleased with that.
JONATHAN: Perfect, I’ve got the seeds here and will plant them right in the ground.
REDGE: Then the bed just to the left here will have parsnips! Delightful! I will plant those seeds myself.
JONATHAN: I love how many vegetables, flowers, and plants are growing here.
REDGE: We’ve got my favorite treat in the world - fresh strawberries!
JONATHAN: And sunflowers as tall as me!
REDGE: Marigolds!
JONATHAN: Cucumbers!
REDGE: And our prized apple tree!
JONATHAN: Oh yes that’s right! Hey let’s go take a look at the tree, it should be flowering right now!
REDGE: And flowers on the apple tree come just before the fruit begins to grow, right?
JONATHAN: That’s right! Nature is really extraordinary!
REDGE: I LOVE flowers. Sometimes, I like to place them all around my little quills and become one big ball of color!
JONATHAN: Aw..that’s the best, Re– Wait a second…
REDGE: What is it, Jonathan?
JONATHAN: The apple tree…it’s not flowering!
REDGE: That’s odd.
JONATHAN: But…but…it always blooms this time of year!
REDGE: True! And then we have delicious, crisp apples for snacking and pie baking and cider making and– oh my goodness now I’m hungry.
JONATHAN: Look at the trunk…it seems so…
REDGE: Dry and sad? Can trees feel sad?
JONATHAN: The leaves are drooping too…
REDGE: You’re right! No flowers at all.
Hmm…I know just who to call to solve this problem.
JONATHAN: Who
REDGE: Why, Zinnia Fig, of course!
JONATHAN: Who is Zinnia Fig?
REDGE: The Folktale Forest’s resident hedgehog Hedge Witch!
JONATHAN: You know, Redge.
REDGE: Yes, Jonathan?
JONATHAN: We’ve been friends for a while now–
REDGE: And what a friendship we have!
JONATHAN: Well, yes! But somehow you still surprise me with all of the new people, places, and things you know about.
REDGE: Once Upon a Time is a vast land, Jonathan. Stories are always being written!
JONATHAN: You’ve got that right.
REDGE: Anyhow, if you want to know about the mysteries of a beautiful bloom or a grasping vine or a hardy fruit tree, you MUST call on Zinnia Fig, the Hedge Witch.
JONATHAN: Will she even get here, all the way from the Folktale Forest? I mean it took us half a day’s journey…
REDGE: (Like it’s incredibly obvious) Jonathan. Please. She’s a Hedge Witch.
JONATHAN: Uhh..right! Of course…my mistake… (Laughs nervously)
REDGE: Ahem. Now. She told me what I needed to do to call her but I think it will be even more powerful if we do it together.
JONATHAN: Alright!
REDGE: Let’s collect some mint and sage and parsley and make a circle around us with the leaves.
A magical sound effect as they make the circle of herbs.
JONATHAN: Done!
REDGE: Now repeat after me!
JONATHAN: Now repeat after me!
REDGE: Excellent job.
JONATHAN: Excellent job.
The sound of faint, mystical music building in the background.
REDGE: We call for the Hedge Witch Fig!
JONATHAN: We call for the Hedge Witch Fig!
REDGE: By soil and root, by leaf and twig!
JONATHAN: By soil and root, by leaf and twig!
REDGE: Come with your knowledge of each growing flower.
JONATHAN: Come with your knowledge of each growing flower.
REDGE: And make our garden grow with your hedge witchy power!
JONATHAN: Make our garden grow with your hedge witchy power!
REDGE: Zinnia Fig you’ve been cordially invited, now that our incantation has been recited! ABRACADABRA!! ALAKAZAM!!
The faint, mystical music stops abruptly and there is the sound of crickets.
JONATHAN: Was…something supposed to happen?
REDGE: That’s strange…we said the incantation precisely as she taught it to me.
JONATHAN: Did we miss something?
REDGE: I don’t think –
Magical sound effects
REDGE: Look, here she comes!
JONATHAN: Is she flying on a cluster of wild onions instead of a broom?
REDGE: Such is the way of the Hedge Witch.
ZINNIA: Hellooooooo, Reginald!
REDGE: Zinnia, it’s a pleasure to see you again!
JONATHAN: Hello Zinnia, my name is Jonathan! It’s so nice to meet you!
ZINNIA: It is nice to meet you, Jonathan! Such a WONDROUS place to meet, surrounded by gorgeous, growing plants. Don’t you just LOVE IT?
JONATHAN: I do!
REDGE: For a moment there, we were worried we recited the incantation incorrectly.
ZINNIA: Apologies for my delay, Reginald. I was dealing with a very temperamental pitcher plant when you rang.
REDGE: Ahh, understood.
ZINNIA: (Sniffs) I smell apple cores, wet leaves, and bark. Is there something wrong with your apple tree?
JONATHAN: Wow. She’s good.
REDGE: We can’t figure out why there are no beautiful flowers on the tree!
ZINNIA: Yes that is unusual this time of year, for this tree here. HIGHLY UNUSUAL. Let us take a closer look.
JONATHAN: Excellent!
ZINNIA: Reginald be a dear and hold open my handbag for me.
REDGE: Of course, Zinnia.
ZINNIA: I have to take out my loupe – that’s a special magnifying glass, for those who don’t know. Then we’ll grab one of my books - Guide to the Trees of Litropia by Zinnia Fig. My knee pads so I can get close to the earth without injury, my tool belt filled with my favorite gardening tools – my magic won’t work without those. My sun hat, don’t go anywhere without my sun hat…let’s see…
JONATHAN: Holy cow, you fit A LOT of stuff in that tiny bag.
ZINNIA: Such is the way of the Hedge Witch, yes. Quite.
REDGE: That’s what I said!
ZINNIA: Alright, I think that’s everything I need. Now STAND BACK. One never knows what kinds of strange magic linger in gardens, do they?
REDGE: Oooo exciting!
ZINNIA: This tree here is experiencing what I like to call THE DROOP.
JONATHAN: The Droop?
ZINNIA: The Droop.
REDGE: Oh, poop!
JONATHAN: Uh…What’s The Droop?
ZINNIA: Have you ever experienced feeling sad, but a big kind of sad that keeps you down for a bit? And it’s hard to explain or understand in the moment, but you’re feeling it all the same?
JONATHAN: I know I have.
REDGE: Me too
ZINNIA: Well for beautiful trees like this one, that’s what’s called The Droop.
JONATHAN: How do we help it?
REDGE: I know! We need to blast it with a LEVEL 10 SUNSHINE POWER.
JONATHAN: Oooo! Yes! Or conjure up a rainstorm of EPIC proportions!!
REDGE: Let’s scoop that Droop away!
JONATHAN: Never to return again!!
ZINNIA: I wouldn’t be too hasty, gentlemen. Too much sun can hurt the leaves, and too much water can flood the roots.
REDGE: What are we going to do?
ZINNIA: The thing about The Droop is that sometimes the trees just have to feel their way through it, with no judgment from us and no rush to quick, easy solutions. All we can do is add a little support and encouragement magic.
JONATHAN: How do we do that, Zinnia?
ZINNIA: First, let’s fertilize the ground around the base of the trunk with kind words…and some actual fertilizer of course. Follow my lead -
Oh sweet tree, drooping as you seem to be! We’ll support your branches, just for now, until you're able to lift your boughs!
A magical sound, like a spell being cast.
JONATHAN: Redge! Did you see that?!
REDGE: Yes some of the branches perked up! Jonathan, you try and I will spread new fertilizer under the tree with Zinnia.
ZINNIA: Righto, Reginald.
JONATHAN: We love you, tree, you’re doing great, and we’ll be here for you while you’re in a sad state!
The same magical sound, like a spell being cast.
ZINNIA: Well done, my friends, well done! If you keep this up, your tree will conquer The Droop in no time! We offer support and acceptance to the roots of the tree so it can grow.
And THEN! We make the air crisp and fresh with good intentions.
OHHHHH tree. Things may seem dark, but these days won’t last! Keep growing with heart, and soon the storm will pass!
A magical sound, like a spell being cast.
REDGE: The flowers! They’re starting to bloom. Let me add more good intentions to the air -
This garden will grow! We’ll take good care of this plot! We’ll celebrate our tree, whether it’s flowering or not!
A magical sound, like a spell being cast.
REDGE: Fantastic!!
JONATHAN: It already looks so much healthier.
ZINNIA: Yes, yes, indeed! Of course! Full recovery from The Droop can’t be rushed. But you two seem to care a great deal about your garden. I know your tree will bounce back in no time.
JONATHAN: Thank you for your help, Zinnia!
REDGE: You’ve truly saved apple season!
ZINNIA: It was my pleasure, friends. NOW. Before I go. A final Hedge Witch spell for a continued good day outdoors. Ready?
JONATHAN/REDGE: Ready!
ZINNIA: I shall sprinkle a little citrusy joy here–
Short, sparkling sound.
A bit of lavender calm there–
Short, sparkling sound.
A pinch of petals bright as the sun–
Short, sparkling sound.
And a dash of cinnamon.
Short, sparkling sound.
That’s just for flavor. Enjoy the rest of your day! Toodle-loo!
Magical sound effect
JONATHAN: Well Zinnia Fig is a wonderful Hedge Witch.
REDGE: The best in the business.
JONATHAN: Is it just me, or has the day become…even more beautiful?
REDGE: The sun is shining! The garden is really sparkling! And…now hold on. Didn’t we just plant those carrots and parsnips?
JONATHAN: Yes! Why?
REDGE: Look!
JONATHAN: Oh my! There…there are already green sprouts growing from the ground!
A distant echo of magic and laughter.
REDGE: Like I said…Zinnia’s the best in the business!
JONATHAN CORMUR: Dorktales Storytime lore stories are a Jonincharacter production. This story was written by Molly Murphy and performed by Jonathan Cormur. Sound recording and production by Jermaine Hamilton at Hamilton studio recordings. Reach out to us on Instagram or email us at dorktalesstorytime at gmail dot com. Find links in the show notes or go to dorktalesstorytime.com. Now go, be the hero of your own story and we'll see you next once upon a time.
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