JONATHAN CORMUR: Hello Dork Squad. I'm Jonathan Cormur and you're listening to Dorktales Storytime, the podcast for kids and their pop culture-loving grown-ups, and this is one of our anything-is-possible lore stories.
THEME SONG: It's a beautiful day for a story, adventure and glory, new friends and old ones too. It's an excellent day to get swept away in a tail, so let us regale you.
The sounds of a bustling city.
RODGE: What did you think cousin Redge?
REDGE: Oh Rodge! It was magical! Spectacular! Extraordinary!
RODGE: As soon as you said you were visiting Litropia, I knew I had to take you to see the biggest musicals we have in town.
REDGE: It’s been a genuine musical marathon, featuring -
RODGE: My Fair Ladybug!
REDGE: Squawkin’ in the Rain!
RODGE: And Cats!
REDGE: Those costumes!
RODGE: The lights!
REDGE: So many colors!
RODGE: Such talented singers and dancers.
REDGE: Top tier, cousin, top tier. And I love the Gotta Dance Theater.
RODGE: GOTTA DANCE!!
REDGE: Litropia is the only place in Once Upon a Time Land where you can catch three musicals in one trip, isn’t it?
RODGE: The perks of living in the big city!
REDGE: You can say that again!
RODGE: The perks of living in the big city!
REDGE: There’s so much to do here. Everything is so hustle-y and bustle-y. So bright and ALIVE! A bit stinky…
RODGE: Oh that’s because of those trash bags on the street.
REDGE: It’s all part of the charm!
RODGE: I like your cheerful attitude cousin!
REDGE: So…What’s next on the agenda?
RODGE: Let’s call a cab and you shall see!
REDGE: Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Can I call the cab pretty please?
RODGE: Of course, do you know how?
REDGE: Stand on my tip-toes, wiggle my fingers in the air, and sing an operatic note in the general direction of the street?
RODGE: You’re a real city slicker, cousin!
REDGE: I studied up for my trip.
Now. Standing on tip-toes. Wiggling fingers. And. (Clears throat and sings operatically) AHHHHHHH!!
The sound of tires screeching to a halt, a car door opening and closing, and moving car sounds underneath the dialogue.
SAL A. MANDER: Hey there! Where ya off to?
RODGE: Howl at the Moon Records, please!
REDGE: Big Bad Wolf’s record shop?!
RODGE: He just opened one in Litropia! And I thought we could get a vinyl of the Squawkin’ in the Rain cast recording!
REDGE: Squeee!!
SAL: Hey, I’ve seen that show! It’s a good one. A real sensation.
REDGE: What’s your name, good sir?
SAL: The name’s Sal A. Mander. And you?
REDGE: Reginald T. Hedgehog. I’m from the Folktale Forest and spending a weekend with my city cousin–
RODGE: Rodginald P. Hedgehog.
SAL: Great time of year to visit our good ‘ol Litropia. Brisk fall days and all that.
REDGE: You must know a lot about the city, driving around here every day.
SAL: As a certified cab driver and local Litropian amphibian, you bet your bottom dollar I know every corner of this place.
REDGE: All the secret twists and turns?
SAL: Every single one!
REDGE: Is there a mysterious alleyway that seems to have a dead end with a big brick wall? BUT! You know better! You know if you speed up to exactly 65 miles per hour you will drive right through that brick wall and come out the other side in a hidden, shadowy corner of the city?
SAL: Nah.
REDGE: Oh.
SAL: You have to drive exactly 64 miles per hour! Then you get to the Lair of The Rat King!
REDGE: I KNEW it!
SAL: The Rat King actually runs the Litropia subway system. He’s actually a really good guy.
RODGE: I’ve heard only wonderful things.
REDGE: You really are the expert on the streets of Litropia!
SAL: That’s right! My motto is - if yer lookin’ to get to where you’re going, I’ll get you there faster than you can tell me where you wanna go!
RODGE/REDGE: Huh?
SAL: I know, the catchphrase needs some work.
REDGE: Hmmm…what about - I’ll get you where you’re going lickety-split-
RODGE: Even before you have a chance to sit!
SAL: (Laughs too hard) Well that’s PRETTY good, if I do say so myself. I might noodle around on that one a bit.
RODGE: Delightful.
SAL: Sit back and relax Mr. Hedgehogs. We’re not far from the record shop now!
We hear the car zoom one more time as a transition, which turns into a little funky background music.
REDGE: Do you think I should get a suit like the main character in Sqwuakin’ in the Rain? Like the one they’re wearing on the cover of the record?
RODGE: Oh absolutely. You must! Pinstripes would be fetching on you.
REDGE: They would be wouldn’t they? And I think you should get that bowtie.
RODGE: Marvelous. Blue is my color.
RUFFUS: Hooooooooooowl are you two doin’ on this fine day? Finding everything you’re lookin’ for?
REDGE: And then some! Hello, I’m Redge!
RODGE: And I’m Rodge! Do you work at the record store?
RUFFUS: You betcha! My name’s Ruffus and I’m part of Big Bad’s pack. So if you need anything…howl and I’ll come running. Aroooooooo!
REDGE: Aroooooooooo— wait actually…We came to Howl at the Moon Records to purchase the cast recording of Squawkin’ in the Rain.
RUFFUS: A great musical. Saw it last week with the pups. They loved the tap numbers.
RODGE: Aren’t they a delight?
REDGE: We found the record but I was wondering…do you have any Branch Sisters records?!
RUFFUS: Wait. Are you also a Branch Sisters fan?
REDGE: (Like he’s shocked at the question) Am I….am I…am I a…a…. Branch Sisters fan? IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!
RODGE: Redge is the Flock Together Fan Club President.
RUFFUS: Oh you’re THAT Redge? I love your newsletters!
REDGE: Why thank you!
RUFFUS: Well we happen to have one of their most popular records of all time–
REDGE: Branch Out?!
RUFFUS: Yep! With one of the most popular songs of all time…
REDGE: “Toucan Play at that Game”?!
RUFFUS: YOU BETCHA! “You Quack Me Up” is also on this record.
REDGE: Well I’ve GOT to purchase this!
RODGE: It’s on me Redge.
REDGE: I couldn’t let you do that, Rodge!
RODGE: I’m grateful you’ve journeyed here from the Folktale Forest. I know you’re more of a country hedgehog, so I’m glad we get to spend time together in the big city.
REDGE: (Sniffling) Oh Rodge. Me too, mate, me too.
RUFFUS: Both of you are sure to enjoy those tunes. The real classics, remastered. It’s a hoooooooowlin’ good time.
REDGE: Thank you so much for your help, Ruffus!
RUFFUS: You betcha!
(The funky background music fades out)
REDGE: A very productive trip to the record store. And two very special souvenirs! What’s next on the agenda?
RODGE: To decide on that I have a question for you.
REDGE: Alright!
RODGE: Did you pack the very important thing?
REDGE: The thing… you told me to bring?
RODGE: So we could…
REDGE: Skate around the ring?
RODGE: That’s right!
REDGE: Cousin. You KNOW I never go anywhere without the appropriate wardrobe! TADA!
RODGE: Look at those ice skates!
REDGE: Aren’t they magnificent?
RODGE: A stunning shade of maroon.
REDGE: And they are bejeweled of course.
RODGE: Of course!
REDGE: I also have a matching leotard!
RODGE: Is there any other way to go ice skating?
REDGE: I think not!
RODGE: We just need to walk a few more blocks and then we’ll arrive!
(As a transition, light music plays in the background- the kind you might skate to on a brisk, autumn day)
RODGE: Welcome to Litropia Lane!
REDGE: WOW!
RODGE: Litropia’s big beautiful ice skating rink. Our pride and joy. And right in the middle of our historic downtown!
(Music temporarily fades)
REDGE: Look at all the twinkling lights in the air!
RODGE: And since it’s fall, The Un-fir-gettable is standing tall in the back!
REDGE: Fir as in…a fir tree?
RODGE: That’s right! Each year in the fall, Litropians come to Litropia Lane to skate and to tie their wishes for the season on the boughs of The Un-fir-gettable.
REDGE: May I tie a wish on the tree before we skate?
RODGE: But of course, Redge!
REDGE: Hmmm…
RODGE: I am going to wish for everyone to enjoy the gentlest, coolest breezes and sunlight through the trees throughout the fall!
REDGE: That’s a good one, cousin!
RODGE: I want everyone to be wrapped in the coziest weather!
REDGE: Hmmm…I will wish that everyone enjoys the hottest of chocolates and the best stories by the crackling-est fires!
RODGE: Cheers!
REDGE: Alright, let me hop up on your shoulders to tie these on the tree bough.
RODGE: One…two…three!
(A cartoony jump sound, like a slide whistle)
REDGE: Got it!
RODGE: Shall we skate?
REDGE: Lets!
(The skating music returns)
RODGE: Show me your best moves Redge!
REDGE: The Floating Turtle!
(A magical flourish sound)
RODGE: Graceful!
REDGE: The Spinning Carousel!
(Another magical flourish sound)
RODGE: Glorious!
REDGE: The Sword Fighter’s Flourish!
(A final magical flourish sound)
RODGE: Ten out of ten!
REDGE: And now, I will attempt the double twist, leap and turn, kick ball-change, fancy flip!
RODGE: Uh…
REDGE: And a one…
RODGE: Don’t you think…
REDGE: And a two…
RODGE: That’s a little bit advanced…
REDGE: And a three!!
(Another cartoony jump sound)
RODGE: Redge! Are you alright?
REDGE: (Almost sounding disappointed) That was…
RODGE: (Sounding very serious) Yes it was.
REDGE: AWESOME!
RODGE: INCREDIBLE!
REDGE: I didn’t stick the landing.
RODGE: But the kick ball-change was spot on!
REDGE: Right?! I thought so too. Eeee!!
RODGE: What a successful ice skating excursion!
REDGE: This has been an absolute joy of a trip, Rodge!
RODGE: And it’s not over yet!
REDGE: Really! Oh ho ho, I’m so glad!
RODGE: Yes! We’ve got one final stop of the day. And you’re in for a treat!
REDGE: Real or metaphorical?
RODGE: Real!
REDGE: That’s what I was hoping you would say!
RODGE: I thought we could stop at Fairy Godmother’s.
REDGE: A post-ice-skating dessert?
RODGE: What could be better?
REDGE: Absolutely nothing!
RODGE: Did you know they serve Glass Slipper Sundays?
REDGE: YES! And I heard they put extra cherries on top if you say the magic words.
RODGE: Bippity!
REDGE: Boppity!
RODGE/REDGE: Scoop!
(They both chuckle)
REDGE: This has been the most fantastic visit Cousin Rodge. Thank you for showing me around beautiful Litropia.
RODGE: It was my pleasure, Redge. Thank you for visiting!
REDGE: It was MY pleasure, Rodge.
Um…one important question…
RODGE: What’s that, Redge?
REDGE: Do we get two Glass Slipper Sundays or one to share…
RODGE: Three of course! One for each and one to share!
REDGE: A PERFECT ANSWER!
RODGE: Let’s bippity, boppity, go!!
(Fade out on Redge and Rodge talking and into a sound of an old-fashioned phone ringing)
REDGE: Hello friend, you’ve reached Mr. Redge’s hotline. What are you curious about today?
SERAPHINA: My name is Seraphina Malina-Durbin. I’m 10 years old. I live in the UK. I host my own podcast called “Seraphia Speaks: For Children Who Think.” I’m a big fan of Dorktales Storytime, obviously. Here’s my hotline question: Redge, what is the most important emotional lesson Jonathan has taught you?
REDGE: What a great question, Seraphina! Jonathan has taught me so many valuable lessons through the stories he tells me and our listeners. Lessons like making time for imaginary play, honoring nature, being a good sport, and bravely facing my fears.
However, if I had to pick the most important emotional lesson Jonathan has taught me, it would be this: Every story carries a common message that every one of us has value and our own unique strengths and gifts. I’ve learned to celebrate and take pride in the qualities that make me uniquely me, because those qualities are how I will make a positive difference in the world.
Thank you, Seraphina! I celebrate you and your incredible ability to make this hedgehog think! I can see why you were named one of the UK's young social impact heroes. I can't wait to hear more of your insightful conversations on your podcast, "Seraphina Speaks, For Children Who Think."
JONATHAN CORMUR: Grownups, we want to hear from your kids too. Hang out for the end of the credits for ways to contact us or look in the show notes.
JONATHAN CORMUR: It makes me feel so good that you were here. I hope you enjoyed this story! Before I go, I want to share Sleep Tight Science, another podcast I think you should check out. Sleep Tight Science is a bedtime show that explores interesting scientific topics while you drift off into dreamland.
JONATHAN CORMUR: Dorktales Storytime lore stories are a Jonincharacter production. This story was written by Molly Murphy and performed by JonathanCormur. Sound recording and production by Jermaine Hamilton at Hamilton Studio Recordings. Reach out to us on Instagram or email us at dorktalestorytime@gmail.com. Find links in the show notes or go to dorktalesstorytime.com. Now, go be the hero of your own story and we’ll see you next, once-upon-a-time!
THEME SONG: So gather your squad for all to see. It's a universe that we've imagined. There's twists and turns and lessons learned. This is where the unexpected happens. Join our humble hosts and hit the trails of the wonderful, wacky, wild world of Dorktales.
© 2023 Dorktales Storytime